It has been a long delay with planning for more material, so I figured why not go with something big! Something that is in no way controversial and that nobody will have varying opinions on.... Politics! With the primaries heating up and candidates that would like the most powerful position in the country are insulting each others families, criticizing others ability to understand Spanish and finding new and unique ways to completely avoid answering questions that are pretty straightforward. I figured this would be the best time to state the 5 reasons that Donald Trump is the clear best candidate, for reasons that cannot even be argued! 1. RussiaMany believe that Russia is the United States greatest rival (see Cold War). Vladimir Putin is the leader of Russia and has historically unabashedly voiced his opinions. He has already made his endorsement: Donald Trump. During his session in Moscow Putin said, "Trump is a really brilliant and talented person, without any doubt.... he's the absolute leader in the presidential race". You could spin this multiple ways. The old saying that you should keep your friends close and your enemies closer. If Russia is the quintessential big bad wolf, it would make sense to keep them close to keep an eye on them. This is not the reason Russia is the number one reason though. Donald Trump is all about business decisions, and one of the most intriguing decisions is the super-highway/resort between Alaska and North Eastern Siberia. Stick with me on this. There are thousands of people in America/Russia/Canada/any where people live in the world, that are terrified of flying and sailing. This option would provide everyone a means to travel from the America's to Asia/Europe. Who wouldn't want to make that awesome road trip! Just pack a lot of covers and jackets. Imagine all of the new businesses that would crop up: roadside ice fishing, ice hockey games against that car that just cut you off, icy theme parks, icy gift shops, icy gas stations, an icy water park. How much fun would an icy water park be!? You could probably fly going down an ice slide! Don't mention the color your skin would get after hours of bare skin-ice contact. This could all easily be done by voting in The Don. 2. Sarah PalinThe person who told us that you shouldn't watch the news because it makes you sad, said that the President was chosen by God and said she was "qualifying, not speeding" when she in-fact obtained a speeding ticket, has finally made her big comeback! Palin recently met with voters in Iowa to announce her support for Donald. During the speech she talked about how Trump wouldn't "pussy-foot" around and asked the crowd for repeated "Hallelujah's" while Trump stood in the back clapping and giving a thumbs up. Luckily, Trump seemed amused by Palin's words as he was laughing through almost the entire duration of the 20 minute long speech. Two elections ago Palin went from small known Alaskan governor to a media's dream, vice-president hopeful. Her uneducated answers and unashamed admittance of being new to the big stage, thus still learning, made Palin a focus of many news outlets and earned her the honor of being represented by Tina Fey on SNL. She may have never said she could see Russia from her house but she provided plenty more fire power for outlets to make fun of her. With Trump entering the election he has brought this entertainment darling out of hiding and back into the spotlight. Her speech in support of Donald is a clear reminder of just how she cannot control what she says, and we all love it! 3. Saturday Night LiveElection season provides the best full-season SNL content. Obama vs McCain (with Palin and Biden) and then Obama vs Romney (with Biden (Paul Ryan was not as good)) have produced SNL gold! Donald Trump is his own SNL skit. In many instances the actors would just have to repeat what Donald really said and they would get a hearty crowd reaction. Add in some comedic flair and Donald could be the greatest thing to ever come SNL's way! Could you imagine an election where it is Sanders vs Trump!? Talk about the perfect scenario. Cruz, Rubio, Kaish, Bush, Carson, all have more boring personalities and rationally think (most of the time) before speaking. The way they handle themselves makes it harder to make fun of on SNL. Then you look at Donald, his mannerisms, facial expressions, vocabulary and tone all make him one of the most enjoyable to poke fun at. He is an entertainment guy, so he couldn't even complain. Don't we all vote for president's based on who would make the best SNL character? 4. Trump CardThis one goes out to all you card players. To those that don't know what a trump card is; a trump card is a card, that when you play it, beats all other cards regardless of suit or value. Picture this, Congress is sitting down having a debate about something random (lets say the style of chairs they want to get when they replace their current ones (naturally all the chairs have to match, how else could we ever be taken seriously!)). They are arguing and fighting, some want the mobility of a rolling chair, some want the stability of four solid legs, some want to get exercise balls to work on their core. The arguing is taking days and finally Donald throws down his card and makes the call. His last name gives him the ability to override every petty argument anyone could have, and people cannot deny he has probably got a stack of cards similar to the one above. How many times has Congress come back with no decision, unable to reach a majority (either 3/4 or 2/3 or whatever it is they need for each specific thing)? Never again will we have to worry about that. If Congress is getting too powerful, Trump can just walk in and slam the card on the table and say "Boom, I'm calling the shots now". If history has taught us anything, it is that one person who has all the power and the ability to call all the shots is clearly the most eventful option, and never ends poorly.......... 5. More JobsOne thing you can definitely say about Donald Trump is that if history repeats itself, Donald is guaranteed to provide more jobs. Trump has experience as a business mogul and acclaimed economics expert. We don't normally get to see the inside of a company and see job turnover, but Trump is the exception to that rule. In 2004 Donald Trump introduced his TV show, The Apprentice. After every episode Donald would sit down with people and discuss how they performed. At the end of the discussion he would select three who he felt didn't work up to the level of the others in their group (even if the entire group was successful). He would then grill them and question them before deciding to FIRE one of them on the spot. NOTE: You could have earned thousands of dollars and had your project praised by high ranking executives, someone still has to be fired. What people don't realize, Trump is actually creating a new job every time he fires someone. Sure that person has to find a new job too, but at least he can say "I created more jobs". Everyone will also be held to a higher standard. If Trump is firing people, even when they succeed, you know people will really push themselves to go that extra mile.... or try to hide in the shadows so they can't get blamed.... you know, either or. The fact is, Trump creates jobs in ways that nobody has ever attempted. Vote for innovation, vote for entertainment, but most importantly vote for the Donald!
....... or don't...... whatever tickles your fancy. (To those that have read this far and still haven't realized) This is obviously not a factual post, and does not represent any political preferences. It is purely satirical and for entertainment purposes.
1 Comment
mandude
5/4/2016 05:24:55 pm
hahaha that is very weird/funny. i do agree XD 😂
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